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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.

If you can read this, you're too close.

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.

Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

You will become rich and famous unless you don't.

Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.

Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles which are on very very thin paper.

Are you ever going to do the dishes? Or will you change your major to biology?