Most software has a user. Depending on the software, the user may need to provide various details about themselves for proper operation -- their name, their date of birth, where they live. However, it is quite common for software systems such as these to ask the wrong questions, collect too much data, and when it comes down to it, serialise the parts of the user's identity wrongly. This talk will discuss common ways that real-world systems store identity wrong, what questions you shouldn't ask, and how you can fix it in your own projects.