Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
13yo asked for a bulletin board and I assumed it was for, like, school things, so I got him one while he was at camp. He came back, saw it, and said “oh great, I can use that to keep track of my conspiracy theories. I’m going to need some red string.”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 13, 2024
I burned my son waffle just a lil bit and every 2 mins he holds it up to me saying “look” .. i see it goddammit
— $tu. (@_OgStu) August 13, 2024
“Mommy you need on your cute shirt. That shirt is not cute” - a 3 yo with her sandals on the wrong feet
— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) August 12, 2024
I try to ask my child questions instead of directly telling him things. I guess he's picked up on it because yesterday a little voice from the back asked me "mama, what is the speed limit here?" and when I failed to take action he followed up patiently, "is 68 bigger than 65?"
— Adriana Porter Felt (@__apf__) August 12, 2024
I know kids process grief and death differently and oh boy do I hope everyone who heard my 3yo yelling “we will never see grandpa again! He is not going to come back!” From the swingset at the park last night also knows this 🙃
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) August 12, 2024
My kid getting ready to step on my last nerve pic.twitter.com/HcbbiQMXif
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2024
My number one tip for parenting a wild and unruly preschooler is to dress them as adorably as possible, lean into the overalls, if they will wear a cape or cat ears even better. Harder for people (including yourself) to get mad at a kid in cat ears
— sarah (@sarahradz_) August 14, 2024
My 9yo freaked that her t-shirt had a crease in it and wanted it ironed so what I’m saying is pick your partners carefully because sometimes you give birth to them
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 12, 2024
my daughter just announced to me her favorite subject is math & I'm totally aghast.
— Alicia Andrzejewski, PhD, she/her (@aliciaandrz) August 14, 2024
girl, there are not FIVE degrees in English literature between your parents for you to like math. please.
I tell the kids that if they ever get lost to just find an Amazon truck and follow it because there's a pretty good chance it's coming to our house.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 15, 2024
My 9yo wanted to be a doctor but now he wants to be an Australian breakdancer. Thanks, Olympics.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) August 12, 2024
my 10 year old son is about to start trombone lessons this year at school.
— bonky (@shesbonky) August 15, 2024
his band teacher's intro email has me howling! pic.twitter.com/4o2XSQKF7v
I don’t really ever worry about being kidnapped because my 6yo would just find me and ask for a snack.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) August 12, 2024
If you are a parent of a child under 3, this is like Pacino and De Niro doing Heat. https://t.co/gSOEhedEI2
— Mike Beauvais (@MikeBeauvais) August 14, 2024
When my kid was 3 it was endless tantrums and now he’s 4 and it’s endless arguing. Honestly not sure which is worse??? I can’t spend all day arguing with the smallest lawyer in history, I’m too dumb 😭
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 15, 2024
I regret to inform you my family benefits greatly from being on vacation and therefore I will be withdrawing from all other life responsibilities from this day forth kthxbye
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 11, 2024
Trying to decide on a school portrait package that’s somewhere between “I care but I don’t need my son’s face on a kitchen towel.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 16, 2024
Some days I do well playing sports with my kids.
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) August 16, 2024
Other days my wife watches and has to shout at the kids, "Daddy's old! Stop making him run so fast!!"
Kids are wonderful and will leave many lasting impressions. My kids for example, made and left many crayon lines on the walls around the house.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 12, 2024
Bring your own tools. Don’t be the dad on college move in day working with the tiny wrench that came with the dresser.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 11, 2024
I asked my 6 year old if he wanted to try out again for the school play and he said no I think I’ll take a break from Hollywood.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 14, 2024
I suggest to my kid that she could leave her purse at home as she goes to spend the weekend at her grandparents house.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 11, 2024
“No, my money is in it.”
“What could you possibly need money for at Grammy’s house?”
“In case I need to make a bet”
My 6-year-old is looking at pictures of me when I was 18 and she keeps saying "You still look the same!" Might write her siblings out of the will and leave everything to her idk
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 13, 2024