Building connection for wellbeing

- How compassionate are you to yourself? There is growing evidence that self-compassion is an important predictor of wellbeing and resilience, and it's something we can take control of in life. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with care and concern when considering personal inadequacies, mistakes, failures, and painful life situations. Those who demonstrate self-compassion accept themselves and take a warm rather than overly critical approach when they're thinking about their actions and behaviors. When life circumstances are stressful, instead of immediately trying to control or fix the problem, a self-compassionate response might entail pausing first to offer oneself kindness and comfort. Here's how you can start to practice self-compassion. First and foremost, talk to yourself as you would a good friend. Imagine your friend tells you about a mistake they've made. How would you respond? I doubt you'd jump in and start criticizing with a harsh tone. You'd be more likely to be kind and supportive. Yet, when we talk to ourselves about mistakes we have made, we are often overly critical and mean. Most of us talk to ourselves in a way that we wouldn't dream of talking to someone else we care about. And it's our own voice in our heads we hear most in our lives. So this criticism can have a hugely detrimental impact. Next, remember, you are a human and all of us make mistakes and experience setbacks. You don't need to set yourself unachievable standards. Finally, if you are in a particularly bad period of self-criticism, try writing yourself a kind letter in the way that you would write to a friend who is going through a tough time. Be supportive and understanding. You won't necessarily build self-compassion overnight, and it's very easy to slip back into the trap of being overly critical, particularly if you're feeling anxious, overwhelmed or stressed. But try to become conscious of your thoughts and find ways to demonstrate kindness to yourself. Perhaps set a reminder in your calendar to check in with how self-compassionate you've been with yourself or keep a journal to reflect on progress. The next time you find yourself being self-critical, pause and remind yourself you are trying your best, and we're all human. Good luck.