In 1995, Elaine and Arthur Aron, a husband-and-wife team of research psychologists at the State University of New York–Stony Brook, began wondering how regular people (like colleagues at work) manage to connect with each other without feeling like anyone is overstepping. They were particularly interested in determining if there was a way to make strangers — say, someone from accounting, and someone else from marketing — into friends, no matter how much or little they had in common.
How to Become a Supercommunicator at Work
Use these three steps to connect with anyone, in any circumstance.
February 28, 2024
HBR Staff/Iuliia Bondar/Getty Images
Summary.
We’re not born knowing how to communicate effectively. Rather, great communication is a skill that nearly anyone can learn by taking the following steps: preparing before a conversation, asking deep questions during a conversation, and asking (and answering) follow-up questions throughout. Here’s how to master each step:
- Before a conversation: In the moments before a conversation starts, describe to yourself a few topics you might like to discuss. By anticipating what you’ll discuss, you’re more likely to feel confident and prepared to have an interesting exchange.
- During a conversation: Ask deep questions, or questions that ask someone to describe their beliefs, values, and experiences in ways that reveal something about themselves beyond the simple facts of their lives. Your questions can be as light as “What would be your perfect day?” or as heavy as “What do you regret most?”
- Asking follow up questions throughout a conversation: This signals that you want to know more and is often how we connect with people in the real world — by asking someone how they feel about something, and then following up with questions that reveal how we feel. They will keep the conversation going.