In Shock

Published 10 years, 5 months past

Today’s MRI showed that the CT scan two weeks ago was inaccurate.  The tumor has grown significantly, and two of the flare sites are larger.  We’re out of the p28 study.  There are no other studies we or our doctors know of that can help.  Surgery is off the table.

Rebecca has a few weeks left at best.

We’re starting steroids to reduce swelling in her head, in hopes of restoring her to something like her old self.  And we will make whatever time is left as fun and amazing as we can for Rebecca and Carolyn and Joshua.

I built a memorial page for my mother, eleven years ago.

I’m not ready to make one for my daughter.

Comments (169)

  1. So, so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to your family.

  2. I’m so sorry. :-(

  3. I didn’t want to click the link on twitter. but I did, because I had to.

    I’m so sorry.

  4. No words for this … just tears. You and your family are in my prayers.

  5. There are no words good enough for occasions like this. All I can say is that I’m really sorry to hear this news. Even if we don’t know each other personally, I’m near you and your family with my thoughts and my heart.

  6. I have no words. Only sorrow, love, hope and prayers for all of you.

  7. “I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it’ or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t.”
    ― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

    I’m so sorry to hear this, Eric. Words fail at times like these, but I’m sure you know that you, your daughter, and the rest of your family are in so many of our hearts. And prayers.

  8. My heart goes out you and your entire family, Eric. As always, thank you so much for sharing all of it.

  9. Praying for your daughter, you and your family.

  10. oh my god Eric, I’m in tears here. :-( Yes, make every moment she has left filled with love and comfort and joy at having such a wonderful family. I’m so so sorry, and praying for all of you.

  11. So very, very sorry.

  12. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

  13. So sorry to hear this. Heartbreaking.

  14. Oh Eric…I’ve been following along and my heart is breaking for Rebecca. I too have a 6 year old. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  15. I am so sorry.
    We will continue to pray for all of you.

  16. You must be reeling. There are no words to encompass what your feelings must be or what it seems the future will hold. This is beyond the word “pain.” I’m so, so sorry to hear this news; so so sorry to hear what you are all going through. “Sorry,” too, is such an inadequate word.

  17. Oh my god Eric, I’m so sorry.

  18. We love you. We are far away but in the dark, here, we are all holding your hands.

  19. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  20. Eric, I’m so sorry and can relate with what you’re going through. My mother died only a year ago from a brain tumor which eventually spread to her bones and entire body. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. All I can say is it gets easier in time. Remember the good experiences and not the poor ones. God bless.

  21. No words, just sending love your way.

  22. So very very sorry.

  23. So, so sorry, Eric. Wish I could hold the pain for all of you.

  24. I have no words to offer, because there are no words, as everyone else before me has already stated. I hope you can take some small comfort in knowing you and your family are in my thoughts tonight, and in the nights and days to come.

  25. I’m so sorry for all of you. I’ve been following Rebecca’s condition through Ferrett and Gini, and I still can’t imagine how hard this is. Your families have been and will continue to be in my prayers.

  26. I wish I could find the words to express how truly sorry we are. As always, you and your family are in our thoughts.

  27. I am so sorry. You all are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

  28. I had to look back at this post to take in Rebecca’s adorable face again… http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2013/08/16/lend-us-your-strength/

    Be strong as you …”make whatever time is left as fun and amazing as we can for Rebecca and Carolyn and Joshua.”

    May God’s love and strength be with you all.

  29. Thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  30. Carolyn said what I wish I could say so much more eloquently. We love you all and we’re so very sorry for this horrific situation…

  31. You don’t know me, but I’ve been following Rebecca’s situation through Ferrett Steinmetz’s blog.

    I just wanted you to know that I’m so, so very sorry. I’ll be offering up good thoughts (and prayers, if you don’t mind), for strength for all of you.

  32. Praying for your family through this trial. May you find God’s peace in this.

  33. I wish for you that things go as well as they possibly can, with your family able to spend some time in laughter amidst the pain and shock of it all.

  34. i am so very very sorry. i dont have any idea what i can do to help, but if there IS anything please let me know

  35. There is no good response. My heart is breaking for you. You have my deepest sympathies.

  36. I’ve been following your blog and every day I pray that you have good news, a progress improvement or a breakthrough. Like many, I cannot understand the world you’re currently inhabiting. As the father of a 6 year-old girl and 8 year-old boy, my very existence has been grounded in the fact that this world is a better place with them in it, and I cannot imagine it existing without them. Your daughter has made the world a better place. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for peace, painlessness, a hug and laughter at the moment you need it most.

  37. Thank you, Eric, for your words. They have described a love so great and a battle so gallant.
    I pray that that love may encircle your family through the coming days allowing all of you to experience each precious moment of Rebecca’s life in a way to honor her courage and yours.

  38. Eric, I know of no words that can offer relief. All I can offer is my love, prayers, caring… and virtual hugs to you, Rebecca, and all your family. I care. We care.

  39. I’m so sorry, Eric. Our prayers are with your family.

  40. I just want to send your family and my thoughts and best wishes.

    Make it the best time of all your lives!

    Philipp

  41. Eric, I’m so very very sorry. My heart goes out to your family. Keeping all of you in my thoughts.

  42. I’m very sorry, Eric. Praying for you all.

  43. Sending strength and hugs.

  44. I’m so sorry. I cannot wrap my head around this – I wish there was something we could do. I send my deepest heartfelt wishes of peace to you and your family.

  45. I’m so very, very sorry Eric. No one should have to experience what your family has been going through.

    I know that it’s obvious, but have you done any research at http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/search?

  46. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. May the time you have left be the best possible time it can be.

    In just over a month, it’ll be a year since my son finished his proton beam therapy for his brain tumor. So, far, he has no evidence of recurrence, and I pray it stays that way. He’s 2.

    With all my heart, I wish you love and peace.

  47. Wishing you and your family renewed strength, courage and love.

  48. Eric I am so sorry to read this. My thoughts, heart, and everything positive I have is sent your way to you, Rebecca, and all. I hope you may find joy in every moment. I wish that peace fills in your hearts and minds. Take in every though, smile, and heart beat. Celebrate what you have.

    Peace.

  49. My thoughts are with you and your family during this impossible time.

  50. I’m so sorry to hear that My heart goes out to you and your family…

  51. :-(

  52. I’m very very sorry Eric. I pray for you n your family. God give you strength.

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  54. My family is sending you and your family all the love that we can as you be with your precious Rebecca and each other. We are so sorry this is happening. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

  55. My thoughts go to you and yours. You’re a fine example of what family really means.

  56. I hope the time you have left is the best it can be and I hold your family close in you heart wishing you love and strength. I’m so sorry :(

  57. I’m so very sorry. You’re all in my thoughts.

  58. Such terrible news. My thoughts are with Rebecca and her family. I wish you all the strength to cope with this situation.

    So sad.

  59. I’m so sorry . So sad.

  60. I’m so, so sorry Eric. My thoughts are with you all.

  61. I’m so terribly sorry, Eric. I’m thinking of you all.

  62. Dear Eric. While this is, without a doubt, one of the worst things a parent can experience, you and your family have to know that Rebecca is lucky in one big way. She has had a very loving family around her for her whole life. Not every child has such incredible parents.

    I wish you and your family lots of strength in the coming weeks, months and years. Never forget all of the good times.
    All the very best,
    Scott

  63. I’m looking at the silver band-aid that Rebecca gave me to stick on my laptop and holding back tears. I’m so sad to hear this, and my heart is with all of you.

  64. I’m so, so sorry, Eric.

  65. I will be in continued prayers for all of you. My heart breaks for you. Know you are surrounded by love, not only the ones you hold dear but those you do not even know.

  66. There are no words.

  67. oh, Eric…
    (been staring at the empty comment box for minutes now – trying to find something to write, something to say… nothing seems right…)

    Know that Rebecca and all your loving family is in our hearts. If only love could heal.
    <3

  68. Just send her he love of the world through your lips. She is human, she is and be still.

  69. I’m so sorry, Eric.

  70. Oh this is terrible news.
    Thinking of you all and wishing you what it takes to handle this shock.

  71. Hoping for ease and peace for Rebecca.

  72. Hello Eric,

    We can’t do much but we’re with you by spirit. I don’t know what to say apart from this: we’re with you.

    If you decide on a whim to go visit Paris, France, let me know and I’ll be your guide.

  73. Eric,
    this is a long shot but it can’t hurt to follow up

    I saw it in today’s newspaper. It seems that Adult stem cells are now being used for cancer treatments with astonishing results. As I said what harm could it do to investigate.

    http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/cervical-cancer-treatment-wipes-out-cancer-in-two-women/story-fneuzlbd-1226941436949

    All the best for you, your wife the children and especially for Rebecca.

    John

  74. I’m sorry to hear this. A big hug to Rebecca and you all.

  75. There are no words just tears and heartbreak for you and all your family.

  76. I am so sorry to read this. Make every second count.

  77. My heart and thoughts are with you and your family.

  78. Rebecca and your family are in my prayers.

  79. So saddened to hear this development. My frequent thoughts are with you, Rebecca, and the rest of your family.

  80. Again, no words. But know that Rebecca, yourself and your whole family are all in everybody’s thoughts.

  81. Eric, I’m so sorry.

    I can’t find a way to wish you well that doesn’t sound absurd. I just hope you all have some joy amidst this incredibly hard experience.

  82. There are things I can’t, or won’t imagine, and this is one of them. I don’t know what to say other than the entire internet is sending you nothing but love, and you know the internet – that pretty much never happens.

  83. So very sorry to read this news. You will all be in our thoughts and prayers, hoping you can find as much comfort and peace as is possible during this time.

  84. I have no words other than I am thinking of you all. Sending much love to you and your family.

  85. I’m only just seeing this now. I’m so terribly sorry.

  86. I’m so, so sorry, Eric.

  87. Eric and family, I’ve been silently following your ordeal from the beginning. As the father of a 5 year old little boy, I cannot imagine the pain and heartache you are enduring, and am quite certain that nothing I say can ease your pain. But know that I, my family, and many, many others have you all in our thoughts and prayers as you continue your struggle.

  88. So saddened by this news. I don’t even know what to say or how to say it.

  89. Eric – your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

  90. I’m so very sorry Eric. I don’t even have the words to accurately express how sad this makes me feel.

  91. I am so sad to read this post. Tears spring to my eyes. You and your family are in my thoughts. Much love and hugs to Rebecca and the whole Meyer clan.

  92. I’m so sorry, Eric. My thoughts are with your family.

  93. As a parent, my heart aches for you and your family Eric.

  94. I am so sorry, Eric. Sending much love from the Internet to you and your family.

  95. So deeply sorry.

  96. Eric, even if not commenting on every post about Rebecca, we’ve been hanging on your every word and hoping against hope for the very best possible outcome for her, and for all of you.

    You are a magnificent family. Rebecca is so lucky to have you, as well as you her.

    I have huge respect for your strength, as well as for your vulnerability and humanity.

    You’re a heck of a writer, as well as being one heck of a father, and we’ll keep watching out for your words, and will keep hoping, and will continue sending you all our very best wishes.

    Even if we’re mostly silent through sadness or not having the words, please rest assured, for what it’s worth, our thoughts are very much with you.

    Hugs to Rebecca, and to all of you, plus oodles of smiles and giggles whenever your love for each other (and for life) can go that way.

  97. All my love, Eric. Be strong.

  98. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing I can I write that represents my feeling for you and your family.

    My thoughts are with you.

  99. I’m very sorry to hear that Eric. Be strong and courageous.

  100. Know that your family is not alone during this difficult time, and that complete strangers like me have so much love for Rebecca.

  101. Your family, especially your daughter, will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  102. Eric, I’m so sorry to hear this. Though we have never met, my thoughts are with you and your family.

  103. I don’t know you; I followed a link from Ferrett Steinmetz’ Twitter, and now I’ve spent more time than I wanted reading Rebecca’s and your story.

    As a father, my heart breaks for you all. Many of the entries here caused me to weep at my desk. Thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing your story.

    I know that there’s no way to get through this unscathed. Instead I wish for you strength to handle what is coming. I wish I could help you. I wish I could take all this away and make it all perfect. I am sorry, I am so sorry, that you must go through this.

  104. So sorry. Prayers to you all for comfort and grace.

  105. My heart is breaking for your family. Thinking of and praying for you all.

  106. I just… can’t find words to express how sorry I feel for you. All my thoughts are now with you & your family.

  107. A large hole is opening up in your future. Try to avoid being swallowed by it. Force yourself to continue to do the ordinary everyday things you and your family did before Rebecca became ill.
    My thoughts are with you and your family.

  108. I am so sorry for you and your family, we have all hope for more time and some amazing medical miracle.

    We are with you.

  109. Eric, my thoughts are with you and your family. Stay strong.

  110. No words, Eric. Only tears and sympathy. Make these last couple weeks the most joyous you can. It is going to take more strength than you think you are capable of.. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  112. I’m so sorry, Eric.

  113. All the problems that I face currently seems so small compared to what you are about to face, and have to face. What strength you have displayed is highly admirable, but the courage that is needed to face and accept this is unimaginable.

    Eric, I am truly sorry to read this post. My prayers are with you, Rebecca and your family. Be even stronger, for Rebecca and for your family.

  114. I’ve been following your blog and I’m so truly sorry for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  115. With hopes these remaining days will be comforting treasured memories at some point.

  116. Really sorry guy, what a long row this is that you’re hoeing! The best memorial is a good life and a conscience of taking care of what you are able and ought — things, It seems to me, you’ve got down pat.

  117. I am so sorry to hear this. I don’t know you except through your writing, but I think because I’m a parent myself this news hits me harder than it would otherwise.

    Stay strong for each other, and remember that you did everything you could for Rebecca.

  118. My heart is broken. I’m so sorry to hear this latest news. Just like everyone else above me, there are no words that could make things better, even though we all wish there were.

    I wish Rebecca, you, and your entire family nothing but the happiest of moments and memories over the next period of time. I’m sending my love and prayers your way.

  119. I am very sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine what your family is going through. I do hope the words from all the us be of any encouragement in these hard times. We are with you.

  120. Sending you good energy, strength and positivity to you and your family. May you find a semblance of peace somewhere in this awfulness.

  121. Oh, no. I’ve continued to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers through this journey. We’ve all hoped and wanted such a different way this is going. I wish I could find words to help comfort you all. But know that I am only one of countless friends who love you all and are with you in thought and spirit. You have lots of support.

    So, so sorry, Eric.

  122. Your daughter has made me more mindful of the finite time I have with my own family. I hope she knows how many hugs and special moments are inspired by me reading this.

  123. I don’t know you, but I respect the shit out of you. That respect used to come for all you’ve done for the Web, but now it comes from being strong enough to handle this and share it with the world.

    I’ve been reading everything you post in the hope that the sorrow and despair that I feel while doing so can somehow take even a second of the sorrow and despair you feel off your shoulders.

    Thank you for helping me remember how fleeting and beautiful every moment with my son is. May you and your family find the peace and strength you need.

  124. So much positive support and prayers have been sent your way. I’m sending a big F.U. to the universe on behalf of all parents who have to fear (or infinitely worse, experience) things like this happening to our children and families.

    I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but maybe one day you can take some solace in that sharing your hellish ordeal has helped remind me to make every day as joyful as possible for my kids.

  125. Your family and especially your precious and beloved daughter has been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard,. I am so sorry… There is no justice in a world that holds such things. Wishing the best memories of whatever time there is.

  126. I have no words. My thoughts and prayers go out to you in this dire times. I wish you, Rebecca and your family the most for your remaining time together. My heart goes out to you.

  127. This news breaks my heart. My prayers are with all of you.

  128. Alex called me this morning after seeing your post. Our hearts are broken for all of you. First Baptist continues to pray for the whole family, and people inquire about Becca every week. Much love, Christine

  129. You’ve made life better for so many people. I wish we could return the favor.
    I hope that your family can find comfort and even moments of joy together in this horrible and unjust thing that is happening.

  130. There are no words, Eric, but I am so sorry. I have been inspired by your family throughout this ordeal, and hope that you can find any comfort possible together in the time left. Godspeed, I wish there was something any of us could to help.

  131. I’m so sorry Eric. This is so awful and unfair. My thoughts are with you. I wish you all the strength and courage in the world.

  132. I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you. I wish there was more we could do.

  133. I’m so very sorry to hear this latest news. No person, let alone a child, deserves the horrible disease that is cancer. Your candidness and raw emotion shown through this entire unfair process are immensely appreciated. All I can say is thank you and I wish your family the best during this impossible time.

  134. So sorry Eric. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family—that you’d have strength, courage and clarity. Much grace Meyer’s.

  135. Praying for your family and your daughter.

  136. Oh, Eric. What awful news.

    So terribly sorry – wishing you strength, courage and buckets of peanut-butter candies when it’s all too much.

  137. My heart goes out to you and your family, Eric. I hope that Rebecca’s last weeks and the hard days that follow are filled with much love and support.

  138. I only met you briefly, but I left with such a heavy heart.
    I am just so sad that you have to go through this.
    Your words are so beautiful and I like to think they are therapeutic for you. I am not so eloquent. This just sucks.
    Our hearts go out to all of you.

  139. I just happened to to be looking at the link to your css reset today and happened upon this post. This is so heartbreaking, I hope for the best with your remaining time together. I’ve been reading through the last year of your posts and I’m inspired by how strong your family is.

  140. I’m so sorry!

  141. I wish I had words. My heart goes out to you and your family.
    I also wish you strength, love, and support in this terrible time.

  142. I am so sorry Eric. You and your family are in my prayers.

  143. I am so sorry to read this, so moved by your writing and your story, so in love with this child of yours, so saddened by this news. Rebecca, I wish I could send you eight-year-old books and toys, I wish I could take this bitter cup away from you and your family. Eric, you have given so much – in your work, in your words – all I have in return are prayers.

  144. Eric, we’ve never met but share some mutual friends…
    I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you and Rebecca, wishing you peace, joy and the strength to be present for each other. My heart breaks.

  145. There is no rhyme or reason for this and it defies my ability to comprehend why anything like this could happen to someone so sweet and innocent. As I’ve been following your candid chronicling of this difficult time, I can only glean that Rebecca has truly been blessed to be a part of your family for her short time here. Shes an angel, now and always. I hope that you and your family find a way to cope with all that’s happening, as I can’t imagine how to and wouldn’t even begin to try to find the words. My thoughts, my heart, are with you and your family.

  146. I’m so, so very sorry to read this. Another stranger wishing you peace in this very difficult time. I will be thinking of Rebecca.

  147. Stay strong Eric. Enjoy the moments you have left with your beautiful daughter and treasure them with everything you have.

  148. I’m so sorry. Much aloha to you and family.

  149. I’m so sorry, Eric.

  150. I’m so sorry, Eric. My thoughts are with you.

  151. I have been silently reading and grieving for you for a while. I have no words to help any of your pain, buti felt I needed to say that we are praying for comfort for all of you. Thank you for sharing all these personal moments with us and reminding us all to cherish the hugs and time we have with our little ones.

  152. No words will likely help or even make sense right now, just know that you, your daughter, and your whole family have been, and will continue to be, in my thoughts. Other than a few random online exchanges, we’re basically strangers, but through following what you’ve written and been going through, your daughter (and you and your family) has indirectly helped shape how I view myself and my family. Her illness does not, and will not, be what defines her — your writing about all this helped so many of us get a glimpse of who she is. Thank you.

  153. Hang tough, brother.

  154. I am so very sorry. We don’t know each other, but I have been following your blog for many years. I can’t offer prayers, because I don’t believe in gods, so I can only wish you and your family the strength to endure what must be endured.

  155. I wish I had useful words to fill up this comment box, but all I have is the futile sorrow and love of a stranger. I’m so, so sorry.

  156. My thoughts are with you and your family.

  157. Shocking to hear, my heart is breaking. No words…

  158. Eric and family, I am so sorry to read this news. You and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God give you all the strength and love all of you need…

  159. Rebecca is so fortunate to have had you both, and vice-versa.

  160. Eric, we met last summer at AEA in DC and I keep checking back, always hoping the best for you and your family. I’m so, so sorry for this news and hope you find moments of peace among friends and loved ones in the coming weeks and months. Lean hard on them and don’t think twice about asking for help. You and Kat gave Rebecca and all those that love her the chance at another 11 months of laughter and love, the chance to build more memories, and the chance for loved ones to say goodbye in all the different ways they each need to say it. While your time with her will never be long enough, you were able to honor her life with deep love and dignity.

  161. Crushed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  162. Oh no…I’m so so sorry, Eric. I wish I could offer more than these inadequate words of love and support from afar. Strength, healing, and peace to you all in your time of need…

  163. Have been following your situation and praying for a positive outcome. I am heartbroken. I’ve come to love Becca and hoping for a positive outcome. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  164. Eric, I will pray for your daughter and your family. I too have been through many medical hardships with my son.
    Carla

  165. Words cannot even begin to express how saddened we are by this horrible turn of events. We wish we could be there with you, but know you are in our thoughts and prayers. We love you and we love Becca dearly. We’re so sorry this has happened to your family. Please give her an octopus hug from us and let her know we will always remember feeding the goats with her when you came for a visit.

  166. Eric I am so sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you and Katheryn and all of yours. My thoughts, heart, wishes, and prayers are with you to find and keep peace.

    You are amazing people and souls that have not only greatly loved for Rebecca for her life, but you wrote her heart and spirt into all of are hearts and minds. She lives in in all of use now. You and Rebecca have changed all of us for the better. So many people know of resources and how to work through this for their kids or kids of others they know.

    I am deeply thank you and bless you and Katheryn for sharing of Rebecca’s life with all of us.

    Condolence and Peace.

  167. my grandmother just died. but this is no comparison…

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